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Old 03-03-2007, 07:44 AM   #1
dogmandouglas
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 96
Default Limericks anyone?

Letterpress Limericks
A machinist who came from Timor
Changed magazines often before.
But the lock wasn't tight
To the left, but was right.
And he dumped mats all over the floor.
--::--

A newspaper man from LaCrosse
Saw his paper ran at a loss.
He hollered "Oh No!
My Hoe is too slow!"
And traded it in for a Goss.
--::--
An Intertype gal from LeMans
Sets type with both of her hands.
And sometimes her toes
And the tip of her nose.
Whatever production demands.
--::--
A nasty old pressman I knew
Got to hell without much ado.
Satan said "You have sinned,"
As he devilishly grinned
"What a press I've here waiting for you!"
--::--
A short-legged man from Seville
Built his shop on the side of a hill.
After printing away
For a year and a day
He discovered one leg shorter still.
--::--
A printer who lives in Sudan
Runs his press just as fast as he can.
To make matters worse
He once ran in reverse
And finished before he began.
--::--
A pressman who's now in perdition
Came to work in a drunken condition.
He fell in the press
Which made quite a mess.
It was surely his final edition.
--::--
"My press" said a printer in Ghent
"Was pedaled so fast that it bent.
This meddlesome treadle
Unsettled my mettle,
So for one from John Hern I have sent."
--::--
At the Linotype he was quite new.
Did not know quite what to do.
A careless tight line
Brought a scream, then a whine
As typemetal spattered his shoe.
--::--
There once was a man from Luzerne
Who did printing carelessly learn.
With a slip of the wrist
By his press he was kissed
And he no longer can "Work and turn."
--::--
An engraver, an unhappy wretch
Had a problem he just couldn't catch.
He said "I don't know
Why this bath works so slow,
But this looks like a seven year etch."
--::--
"Be a six year apprentice" they said.
"With a permanent job just ahead."
But his joy soon diminished
As soon as he finished.
"Going cold type, hot metal is dead!"
--::--
Miss Mary the old fashioned printer,
Why printing was all she was inter.
With arms all akimbo
This robotic bimbo
Would quake from her front to her hinter!
One day while treadling her press,
A gear caught her old-fashioned dress.
As it got torn away
She was heard to say
"I got caught, but I wasn't impressed!"
--::--
A printer who worked in Des Moines
Forgot to tighten a quoin.
As the press went around
The type fell to the ground
Which he found extremely annoying.
--::--
A Printer who came from Orleans
Disdained Italic it seems.
"I really hate
That it won't stand up straight.
I'm annoyed by the way that it leans."
--::--
To save rent a printer from Brewer
Set up his shop in a sewer.
He paid little rent
But the jobs that he scent
Made his customers phewer and fewer
--::--
A printer of old worked with lead.
"It's bad for you!" it was said.
He would cry with a jeer
"I'll live many a year!"
But at age 99 he was dead.
--::--
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