DTP


 
Lively discussions on the graphic arts and publishing — in print or on the web


Go Back   Desktop Publishing Forum > General Discussions > The Corner Pub

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 01-22-2006, 05:45 PM   #1
Molly/CA
Member
 
Molly/CA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Central California
Posts: 235
Default Health Care Guide

I've needed more health care in the last 3 years than in my entire life before then. "Health Care" in my part of the CA Central Valley is an oxymoron, and this really struck home, so I thought I should share it.

PS: if we have any Central/Sacramento Valley members, I finally got sense enough to enroll in the UC Davis Clinics and I now have superb health care.



HEALTH CARE REALITY CHECK


Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.



Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.



Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories--those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry--the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away!



Q. What are pre-existing conditions?

A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it.



Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.



Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.



Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.



Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap. My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery, but I'd already paid my bill. What should I do?

A. You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill farms or frog hatcheries.



Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?

A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.



Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick.



Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.



Q. What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?

A. Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.



Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?

A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
Molly/CA is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
BBC guide to pronunciation Richard Waller On Language & Literature 37 11-01-2006 02:34 PM
Mac grey screen: Should I care? ktinkel General Publishing Topics 21 04-25-2005 05:33 PM
The lonely sock guide ElyseC The Corner Pub 23 04-14-2005 01:15 PM
Guide to typeface selection ktinkel Fonts & Typography 19 04-08-2005 01:30 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 01:31 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Contents copyright 2004–2014 Desktop Publishing Forum and its members.